i need to get a camera so i can take more pictures of my work. these happened to be on my computer, i'll try to upload more later.

I've missed you long island

last night i went to a party at a 5 million dollar mansion. i didn't fight in the pool filled with lime jello (i kid you not), but i did make out with the bassist from as tall as lions. not bad.

melancholia

the history of melancholia
includes all of us.

me, I writhe in dirty sheets
while staring at blue walls
and nothing.

I have gotten so used to melancholia
that
I greet it like an old
friend.

I will now do 15 minutes of grieving
for the lost redhead,
I tell the gods.

I do it and feel quite bad
quite sad,
that I rise
CLEANSED
even though nothing is
solved.

that's what I get for kicking
religion in the ass.

I should have kicked the redhead
in the ass
where her brains and her bread and
butter are
at...

but, no, I've felt sad
about everything:

the lost redhead was just another
smash in a lifelong
loss...

I listen to drums on the radio now
and grin

there is something wrong with me
besides
melancholia.


kind of drunk right now which i suppose is kind og appropriate. borrowed love is a dog from hell from rich or marshall or somethin, and it's alllllright. i like this one poem thoguh, melancholia. it is now 5:05pm.

Dear Diary,
My life sucks.
Love, Nicole

Valenpoop day<33

Five A.M.

Elan that lifts me above the clouds
into pure space, timeless, yea eternal
Breath transmuted into words
Transmuted back to breath
in one hundred two hundred years
nearly Immortal, Sappho's 26 centuries
of cadenced breathing -- beyond time, clocks, empires, bodies, cars,
chariots, rocket ships skyscrapers, Nation empires
brass walls, polished marble, Inca Artwork
of the mind -- but where's it come from?
Inspiration? The muses drawing breath for you? God?
Nah, don't believe it, you'll get entangled in Heaven or Hell --
Guilt power, that makes the heart beat wake all night
flooding mind with space, echoing through future cities, Megalopolis or
Cretan village, Zeus' birth cave Lassithi Plains -- Otsego County
farmhouse, Kansas front porch?
Buddha's a help, promises ordinary mind no nirvana --
coffee, alcohol, cocaine, mushrooms, marijuana, laughing gas?
Nope, too heavy for this lightness lifts the brain into blue sky
at May dawn when birds start singing on East 12th street --
Where does it come from, where does it go forever?

I'm fucking really pissed off because some asshole stole my bike today. I fucking loved that bike, and to make it worse I'm pretty sure the person who took it was at a party that the guys upstairs had this weekend. The morning after we woke up to find our christmas decorations ripped down, so I'm sure some drunk fuckers thought it'd be funny to rob my bike too. I wonder what I did to deserve bad karma like this...

REST IN PIECE JULIA MY BELOVED BICYCLE